"beer, scotch, juice box...whatever"

all things considered, i am one of the luckiest people i know. this is in reference to the fact that my three best friends (childhood girl friend since age 11, gay life partner/current roommate that i met in college, and a long-term ex-boyfriend from three years ago) have all migrated from the midwest to brooklyn over the course of the past year. it is sufficed to say that seldom to never do i feel alone or even (gasp) lonely.

one or two nights a week holly comes over and the three of us convene in our disaster of a living room to watch hours of (often shitty) netflix movies, binge eat on junk food, and occasionally smoke some pot (welcome to the "real world"). mind you, our apartment is not the most comfortable place in the world to lounge (what with the incessant sirens/car alarms from outside and the mysterious odor that creeps in from our neighbors' down the hall at the most inopportune times. oh, and not to mention the irremediable mouse infestation). but regardless, there is a silent agreement that 495 dekalb is the best place for us to "relax". in fact, we often joke that hanging out with us is like the sitcom cliché of parents going out of town for the weekend and leaving the house to the kids. antics will ensue.

at one point tonight, in between our double-feature of "honey i shrunk the kids" and "pretty in pink" (of which none of us were really able to devote our full attention to, vis-à-vis area distractions such as the 1000 piece Charles Wysocki jigsaw puzzle sprawled out across the floor and the fleeting wireless we were able to pick up on our macbooks), i remarked that Iona (Molly Ringwald's zany boss at the record store) should not have to change her image to be with Terrance, the clean-cut pet shop owner that she falls for. i argue that if he fell in love with the crazy, often costume-clad Iona in the first place, then why should she change? my roommate disagrees. he defends her choice by stating that that if it's true love then you should be more then willing to change your style (and if need be, your personality) to be with that person. whoa, whoa, WHOA (and what is to follow may be driving the point home as to why i'm single). my immediate reaction is "so, this means that if your boyfriend insists on you wearing JNCO jeans from here on out while you're in public, then you would?! think about it. JNCO JEANS. or worse yet, Lee Pipes!"

"absolutely," he replies, "if it will get me laid." holly defends his position and I'm left tossing out more hypothetical questions of how one would alter themselves for a relationship (or for the truly pathetic, just sex). eventually our stream of consciousness conversation segways into a rather immature discussion involving fecal matter and testing the sexual limits of one's relationship. again, my opinion is outnumbered. we never reach a resolution to the matter (nor do we ever, really), but one thing can be said for sure. brett pheifer, if you're reading this, i'd give my left kidney to see corey in a pair of JNCO Jeans, so please let's make this happen. i'll starting scouring ebay for a "vintage" pair with at least a 30" leg opening, and you start withholding sex. i see the makings of a beautiful photo shoot. as for you, holly, check back with me the next time you "test the limits of your love" by waking up with a big turd on your chest. it's good to know that our collective maturity is only regressing with age.